2019 epopee: card #16. I am EMBRACING my life

Sooooo I keep on feeling I am on a brand new level in my life. I feel free from what restrained me for so long without any valid reason. When I think about it, I can’t even remember what it was. I feel like it’s behind me now, and that I don’t have to worry or even think about it. What needed to stay remains within, as a part of who I am. This is what matters. So now that I made room for new people, event and things to enter my life, I am embracing it.

I am embracing the change. It became a part of me. I don’t even realize it unless I take the time to look behind. I am evolving. And I guess it was high time for me to do so. To me, it’s not really a change or an evolution, though, it’s more like an adjustment between what I perceive and what I live. A physical and mental adjustment. It’s getting to be who I really am, in all aspects of my life. It’s harmonizing myself. It’s raising above the games I always refused to play but felt compelled to watch anyway. I don’t have to anymore. I just go on my path. When changes came, I just accepted them, and they put everything the way it was supposed to be, I guess. Everything was so simple, I didn’t even think about it, really. And it’s ok with me, I needed to step out of my cocoon anyway.

I am embracing the permanency. Some things or feelings don’t have to change. They are. And it’s perfect this way. By accepting it, by embracing it, I don’t have to worry about it. And as it is supposed to be, it is. Things are simple. You can change what is supposed to be changed, but if something is meant to be, for a moment or for a long time, then embrace it as a part of your life, right here, right now. When, and if, time has come to change it, then it will be. But to really embrace your life, you need to embrace all of it. So stop trying to fit, to conform to whatever ideal you think you should be. Just be yourself, and enjoy what you have. This is the biggest lesson I’ve learned and I am truly thankful for that. The day I understood and accepted to be happy with what I had and was, I know I made the biggest step forward in the ‘right’ direction. Some things are not meant to be changed. Period. You can exhaust yourself trying, or you can just learn to enjoy them.

I am embracing my vision of life. It was really time for me to live what I felt. I supposed that grief kept me a bit longer than it was supposed to from it, but it’s ok, I probably needed that extra time to get rid of older, deeper anchors. So now I am allowing myself to fully embrace my vision of how I want to live the rest of my life. Genuinely. I now can live what I feel. It seems obvious, but it’s not when you are trained to keep your feelings for yourself and do what you are supposed to do for the good of people around you. For decades. I am done with that. I already live the way I want at home, and started to infuse the idea that things would change, but now I plan to fully expand it. Time has come for people to deal with it. If they can take it, it will be really interesting and a renewal. If they can’t, well, they will have some work on themselves to do as I am done protecting their delusion. Time has come to set healthy boundaries and to work on having them respected. That will be fun either way.

I am embracing my whole self. I am the way I am, and I love it. I accepted a long time ago to have a mind working its own way, and I learned to master its skills. I accepted a long time ago to feel the way I do, and I learned to use it for the best. I accepted to look the way I do. I never truly had a problem with my physical appearance. But I never really felt in love with it… until recently. My body always was this strong vessel that could help me face anything. It had some weaknesses, but hadn’t fail me the last 15 years. It even came back stronger than ever after its nearly destruction by cancer before that. Since then, I took it for granted, never really cared about it. It took me some time to change my mind about it. I started to care more and more about its well being. After all, we have a long time left to live together. And I really wasn’t soft on it. So its time has come, and I surprised myself enjoying taking care of my neglected body. (Well, not THAT neglected… just ignored). As for the rest, I had to see what had to be changed and what could remain the same. Easy choice in reality. Then I had to live with it. And last I had to love it. This is where I am at now. I am loving the way I am looking. Not only what I chose to keep or to accept. But everything. The shape of it (and I renewed my wardrobe to celebrate that), my grey hair (easiest choice ever!), my scars (so proud of them!), and all those little things that I didn’t like, that made me feel bad even. They are part of me, I accept them and it’s that simple. As I learned to love myself again, then everything became obvious, once more. The woman within the warrior awakened. My body wasn’t only strong anymore, it became the witness of the love I felt for my whole self. I took care of it the same way I took care of my mind, nourishing it. I took care of it the same way I took care of my emotions, listening to it and caring for it. I took care of it the same way I took care of my life: enhancing it.

I am embracing what may come. I am now ready to embrace whatever comes into my life. Knowing that I will make choices that will be led by my whole self and not by fear or delusions. I don’t have to protect myself or others, so I can truly be open. I don’t need anything, in fact, really. I already have all I need in my life, I am happy the way I am. So I can welcome whatever comes with an open mind, open eyes and open arms. Knowing that I have been taught enough to make the good choices and see things as they are. I know that I still have a lot to learn as well as a lot to teach, and I can’t wait to live these situations. Time has come to share experiences, moments, emotions. And I am embracing this time of my life with delight.

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