2020 saga. Curiosity.

Curiosity is the strong desire to know or learn something. Now that we made a step forward, time has come to go on a path. Several of them are open, we just need to make a choice. I used to take a lot of time before making any choice, especially if I felt it was an important one. Pondering, considering each aspect of it, focusing on the consequences, on the possibilities… a lot of time…. a lot of energy too… and almost always the reasonable choice… no risk, no pain, no excitement either…. and this feeling I missed something important…

When I was younger, I sometimes made spontaneous choices…. most of the time because I needed to feel I made something for me and not to please people around me or to meet others’ expectations… As they were truly reactions and not actions, I had to face the consequences and… well, let’s say they weren’t my best choices…. but they always offered me truly valuable lessons…

I don’t make choices anymore. I let go of them. I just notice the little things, the smallest hints that appear on my path, and keep them within. I follow my path, and I know I am going the right direction when everything seem to conspire to allow me to go forward.

For a while, I was just surviving. I was focus on going on, nothing more. I dealt with what was coming on my way, no desire, nothing more than this simple thought: I promised to go on, so I do all I can to keep my words… those who had to face grief understand… dull life, dull feelings. Something had died within when my daughter passed… I thought I wouldn’t be able to love, to enjoy, to smile anymore.

Then I started to notice little things. And I remembered how we faced the whole situation living day by day, but mostly enjoying these little sparks each and every day. So I came to realize that the best way to honor Emma’s memory and to keep my promise was to look for these little things and enjoy them. And that’s when I started to see hearts everywhere… heart shaped rocks, clouds, fields… I decided that they were from her. And pain turned into love again…

I opened a door… slowly, softly, I started to notice more and more things… And I was looking for them. I felt this little spark of curiosity going stronger. I became more and more aware of what a going on around me… I came back to life. Effortlessly, just opening my eyes again.

Now I took it to another level. I sometimes notice a need I have to fulfill. As I ‘wish’ to do so, I know I can expect something to happen to validate or invalidate it. So when I feel something is missing, or needs to be changed, my curiosity is turned to those hints that will make it happen or not… as I watch it unravel, I really enjoy the journey.

So I am not passive anymore. I send intention and look for hints…. My curiosity and awareness give me this little spark of excitement that makes me enjoy the journey, that makes me willing to see and know what is coming on my way. I am also exercising patience, not passiveness… My intuition makes me feel something is going to happen, and that I need to be ready to see/live/feel it. So I go on, smiling, knowing that whatever comes, I will learn from it… and my curiosity gives me this little extra joy and eagerness to jump into change I required.

I can choose between several paths to follow. My curiosity gives me hints on each of them… I know that whatever I choose to do, everything will be fine. Because the little things on the way will guide me to make the best choice for me at the time.

So this week, let’s yield to curiosity! Let’s enjoy those little exciting hints!

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