This week, as we are done recognizing, exploring and integrating our senses, we will dive in our feelings, our connection.
When I have the sensation to be overwhelmed by an emotion, not even being sure it is mine, I go to places where I can be in touch with Nature. Literally. If I can, I remove my shoes (of course, I keep them in winter), and I put my bare feet and hands on the ground. I then imagine that all this excess of emotion goes from my head, my heart, to my fingers and toes, then I release them in the ground. I stay there for a while, until I feel at peace again. Then I switch to a more receiving state of mind, where I really feel like I am a part of a whole, and that I can charge myself with the peaceful confidence nature gives me in exchange of the fiery and chaotic emotions I gave it.
Most of the time, I feel overwhelmed because I didn’t took the time to let go, or to step back from a situation. For a long time, I shielding against any strong emotion, to protect myself and because I had a cause to serve that was, to me, more important than my own little emotions. I couldn’t be hurt or triggered. i had to remain strong and stable no matter what. I knew I would have to come back to a more ‘humane’ state later, but at that time, I was the protector, the rock she needed. I only let myself feel for her, she needed to feel my love, my hopes, my determination, my devotion to our cause. I know it was a lost cause though, but she deserved to have my whole self. Me and her against the whole world. And others only got the warrior in me. Strong, analytic, protective. When she was gone, it was a matter of survival for me to keep my emotions and feelings at bay, most of them anyway.
Because when I feel, I really do. I learned to deal with my emotions and their strength, but they are part of me, and I wouldn’t change that. It allows me to be open to whatever comes in my way. I can perceive intentions, possibilities, have a broader, more complete view on things. I love the way I feel. Because I learned to tame it, to aim it, to use it as an asset, and not let it take over me. I learned to distinct between what I perceive and what I project. I learned to get rid of the later. And yes, it’s often frustrating to see that people mistake their perception with their projection, trying to make what they think someone should feel match with what they know about a situation.
I learned to recognize my own emotions, and why I feel them, what triggers them. I know myself enough to be able to own my own emotions. I also know and own my story, and I accept it as a life path. So when an emotion is overwhelming, I don’t proceed the same way if it’s mine, or if it’s only a projection. I understood that we are all different and that we all see something a different way. To make sure I am not projecting my own emotions on someone’s situation, I contextualize it. I put it in perspective in what I know of the person’s life, education, way of being. No judgment here, just an attempt to understand. I don’t try to think about how I would react if I lived what the person is living. This is projection. I try to step back and to see what the person is feeling, and help her to deal with it. Or just try not to get stuck into the situation myself, let’s be honest hahaha. I can listen to what they say they feel, I can try to help, but I also, most of the time, end up with some of their emotions too, stuck in my mind. It’s the way I am, it’s in my nature. I can absorb a certain amount of negativity, but then I need to deal with it, as it is not mine.
This is when I have to act. Because if I don’t, I will end up making it mine, as it’s there, within… I need to release it, in the most positive way possible. When I feel something is overwhelming, I just take some time to ask myself: is it mine? or is it a reaction to what I heard, perceived? Can I switch it into something positive? Can I let it go easily? Or is it something that is heavier and that I need to act upon? The easiest way to deal with it is to draw, write or play music. Usually, it’s enough to let go of the negativity. But sometimes, I need to go deeper in order to find my balance back. Meditation, and contact with nature are my way of doing it…
So this week, Try to connect with your emotions and distinct them from the ones you received from others. And find your way of letting them go in order to find your inner peace back. because you deserve it.
What could I choose other than the heart of a forest to illustrate feeling? I wanted it to be warm and diverse, but also peaceful and yes, a bit magical. As our emotions are. I loved to play with light on this card, and went out of my comfort zone with drawing foliage leaf by leaf on some of the trees. I also had fun with texture on the tree trunk. I decided to get a bit more serious about my digital drawing skills, and I started to take lessons to go back to basics, and expand from there.. you will probably notice it in the next cards. I really love this one, but it seems that each of them becomes my new favorite, so… but I hope you can see the peace and magic I tried to express. And yes… sparkles….
I wish you a good and peaceful week, filled with beautiful emotions and serenity.