Pfiou! Cette semaine a été un peu complexe côté portraits. J’avoue, j’ai abandonné l’idée de faire quoi que ce soit en 1 heure max… J’ai voulu me concentrer sur la lumière, comme c’est aussi le sujet de mes cours en ce moment… Je suis toujours un peu claire avec mes couleurs, mais je progresse de ce côté là… donc bon, c’est déjà ça. Et puis les références étaient plus que complexes cette semaine!!
Premier portrait de la semaine, ça commençait fort!! Mais je me suis régalée à le faire, à jouer avec ces couleurs (qui étrangement, du coup, étaient plutôt justes hahaha). Vraiment sympa, et je m’en servirai comme étude à présenter pour mes cours (3 études à faire, avec comme thème principal la lumière).
La version féminine sur le même thème… beaucoup plus difficile, avec cette transition brutale… mais mission accomplie quand même.
Série sur le thème du profil… Oui, c’est Danny Devito imitant Hitchcock… rigolo, et le noir et blanc est mon ami!
Celui là en revanche est flashy les coloris! Mais je suis plutôt juste coté couleurs, j’ai beaucoup moins de mal avec les peaux mates.
Et voila une belle plongée en enfer! En plus un jour de bug cérébral… du coup entre le manque total de concentration et le sujet, j’y ai passé la journée, en plusieurs séances…. mais les détails du costume!!! L’horreur, même si le sujet est vraiment sympa!
Et la version féminine. Moins de mal (mon cerveau était de retour) mais les détails, encore une fois!! Pfiou!!
Celui d’aujourd’hui, un véritable plaisir après les deux précédents. Je me suis régalée!!
Et voila! 3 semaines de portraits, 21 en tout, avec une nette progression. La semaine prochaine, mon but est d’être la plus juste possible niveau couleurs… j’y arriverai!!!
Je me suis un peu remise au digital, et je vais très vite reprendre mes cours aussi. Mais j’avance. C’est loin d’être parfait, ça manque encore de texture, de contraste, mais ça commence à prendre forme. Et puis il y a quand même quelques réussites. C’est un cheminement en soi, et j’apprécie chaque pas que je fais.
I went back to digital painting a bit, and I will soon go back to my lessons. But I go forward. It’s far from perfect, it lacks texture, contrast, but it’s taking shape too. And there is some parts I am proud of. It’s a journey by itself, and I am enjoying each step I take forward.
When I saw the topic of this week, I couldn’t help but laughing for a good 15 minutes. You see, we are in the middle of a heat wave and I really have a hard time with it. I am not made for that kind of temperatures… or light… but I gave it a thought and I realized that the time had come to rise and shine.
I never was able to blend. And it’s ok, I don’t mind. But I spent the time trying to be unnoticed.. I wanted peace, i wanted to put my pieces together. I tried to hide my fiery temper, my true self to avoid drama and useless explanation. people are so prompt to judge, especially if they don’t understand. They need to feel comfortable in their perception of their environment, which include people sharing it. I also needed to protect my child for a bit longer than a decade, so I shut down and tried to play along rules. When Emma passed, I went on. I needed to take the time I needed to put myself back together. But then, the time came when I didn’t need to hide anymore. I started to unleash part of myself that would be easily accepted first… then pushed further and further, until everything was being seen. Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide. Showing my true colors, being myself again.
It wasn’t that easy. I had to be careful, to go slowly, but I was determined and nothing could stop the process. It was time for my very own sun to rise and to shine. Until I was able to show the world my light and warmth. Until the seeded I planted during my winter started to bloom and flourish. It wasn’t that easy… I still had to learn to adjust… I was indeed able to burn… and I did, from time to time… I can be really patient and understanding, but if you go too far, this is what you get.
Of course, some saw my rising self as a threat to their own light, while I was just here the whole time, just hidden by the clouds they send in my direction… But clouds come and go… and my time had come to shine. My own way, just adding some light here and there, just bringing my energy to the collective… Freely. I wasn’t trying to steal anything to anyone, there is enough room from each of us and more. I knew I had a lot to share, a lot to give, a lot to learn, and I was opening myself to these experiences… Of course, more clouds were sent my way, of course they came and went…
I firmly believe in balance, in equilibrium. I try to be as fair as I can. I ignored the attempts to switch off my light. They just didn’t realize that they spent really valuable energy for no reason other than comforting their ego. I was passed that kind of game. I was just myself again, and that was all that mattered, because I went through so much to reach this point. I was strong and bright, willing to help the growth of was was placed under my responsibility. It was time for me to do what I was meant to do. And it didn’t depend on anyone but me. I was confident in my abilities, perfectly aware of my limits and I accepted it with no problem. I was (and still is) a work in progress, but I was strong enough to bring my part to the world.
In a way, it was a brand new experience for me. I perfectly knew my dark side, but I had no idea of what my light one would be. I just knew I was ready to show it, to myself, to others, to the collective. I decided to go with the flow, and to trust in the process, because I could feel it was the right thing to do deep within. It was time to bring balance back, and I was part of it. I have no appetite for power, never had, probably never will. it’s just not my thing. But I can’t stand injustice, I am really good at fighting for what I believe in. I know who I am, where I come from and what I need to do. it took a while, but I stood firm, and I bring what I can to those who need it. I try not to be distracted by those clouds here and there. They are not meant for me. They can’t shut my light off, they only can hide it from those it is meant to. But it always end up showing. So I rise each morning, shine as I can, and let them bloom and flourish. I then rejuvenate with the Moon and go on the next day. This is what I am meant to do, this is what I am meant to be. I am a burning ball of passion, life and my energy is meant for those willing to receive it. I just hope to help them grow, and show them the light they need to go on their own journey.
So this week, Be the sun of your own life, rise and shine, be happy to do so. And show the world your true self. because it deserves it. Because you deserve it.
The card
I didn’t have to look really far for inspiration, i simply used the card of the sun I made for last year inner journey. I really suffer from the heat and I don’t have a lot of energy… And it’s a really really busy time at work, so I didn’t have much time. But I am pretty happy with it. Of course, I will work on it again later, but for now, it really expresses the strength and warmth of the sun. I hope you like it.
This week, we will focus on reaching a goal, on accomplishing a quest.
Sometimes, we feel stuck in our everyday life. We loose the motivation or the little spark that makes us willing to go further, to project ourselves into something. We just take one day as it comes, and live through it, without any enthusiasm or joy. This year was like that, to me. I went to work, did my job the best way I could with all the boundaries and blocks placed by the pandemy, with a fear anchored in my guts each and everyday. To be sick, to have a kid pass it to one of his high risk family members… We couldn’t use common material, we all had to wear a mask (not the 2 first months though, only teacher had to). Have you every tried to teach language and phonology with a mask on? Yeah, not that easy. Have you ever tried to get 25 kids attention while the only facial expression they can read are your eyes? Nearly impossible… Anyway, I decided to just do what I had to do and to get them where I was supposed to get them. No sparks, no enthusiasm… I almost thought about quitting at one point (because the situation was difficult, but if you add administration blindness and meaningless orders, well, it’s getting close to mistreatment… ). Then I decided to have a goal, something that would ignite my spark back, something that would give a sense back to my job. I decided to change my whole way of teaching, next year. This year is almost done, I can’t do anything about it, but next year, I want to be the teacher I usually am, and I also want to balance my private and professional life in a way that won’t let the second one take over the first. I did my researches, and the simple fact that I will take a new start made me feel relieved. As soon as I set my goals and acted upon them, everything changed. I have something to work towards, I have a challenge to face, I have a lot of work to do, this summer, but it will be something I build, not something I just follow while I wait for the end of the year to come. This is something that I can do no matter the circumstances, that I will be able to improve and to take joy doing. My spark is back. And I already am in a better place. Right now.
When I think about it, it’s not even the actual goal that made me find my motivation back. It’s the action I took, once I took my decision, once, I set my intention. I was stuck in a swamp, up to my waist, wondering how to get out or even to go on… And now I feel like I was lifted out of there, and projected in a whole different direction, just like that. And then I realized that this is the way I work, actually. I go on the way I am supposed to go, because this is the way I am told to go. I lose myself in the process… especially when the orders are contradictory, that you also have to deal with unexpected additional difficulties to overcome… when I have to adapt to meaningless things… It increases my frustration, and I spend a lot of energy to deal with it… And I am still not good at that, even if I work on it… It took over my professional life. And I felt helpless, instead of finding a way to own it and to go my own way, to find a way to creatively make everything more meaningful.
As soon as i decided to react, to act, and to gain back some control, in a way, I wasn’t crushed anymore by all this. I wasn’t enduring it. I was overcoming. What was my comfort zone became a very uncomfortable place, I needed more space, I needed a new breath of fresh air. And that’s what I managed to do: allowing me to take some fresh air and to expand my vision on my job. By looking at it from another perspective, I wasn’t stuck anymore. It wasn’t boring anymore, it wasn’t frustrating anymore. It became exciting again, it made sense again, I was enjoying it again.
This is true for other realms of my life too. I can feel overwhelmed sometimes, stuck, but as soon as I decide to act on it, I discover that it was only an illusion. I can do whatever I put my mind to do. I just have to stop running, stand up and declare that from now on, I am working on it. Weirdly, everything goes in the right direction far faster than I first thought it would. And all the energy I spent feeding my frustration is now aimed to something more positive, actually meaningful, something that lift me up instead of crushing me down.
So this week, set goals for a realm of your life. A small easily reachable goal. And act towards it. Baby steps or giant jump, it doesn’t matter, just act. Do researches, get the material you need, make a plan, and go forward. Because you deserve it.
The card
When I thought about a goal, I envisioned this stone on top of a hill. Something you can reach, something you can keep your eyes on while you walk towards it. It had to be special, so I went for a pinkish color, to contrast with the environment. I feel more confident to try new stuff, to experiment, and I had a lot of fun playing with the tree and bushes, and to try and draw the rocks and moss. I first went with a far darker color for the rocks, but changed it to this more neutral hue. Because our eyes have to be on the stone on top of the hill, not on those protective but blocking rocks. I think I managed to express it. I hope you’ll like it too.
This week, we will take a break, step back and take care of ourselves.
I need to take breaks regularly from the whirlpool that life can be. I can take a few hours only, or full days, just being by myself, energetically reloading, and enjoying solitude. It’s a cleansing habit of mine. When I start to be overwhelmed by my emotions, or that I feel I lose touch with what truly matters to me, I know it’s time for me to step back. I usually can feel the first signs and just meditate for a while, listening to music or drawing. But sometimes, it gets me like a wave and I know I will need more time to come back to peace.
So I do groceries and make sure I have everything I need, I tell my friends and family I need some time for myself, so they don’t need to worry if I don’t answer my phone or messages, and I enter my bubble. I usually start with a warm shower, or even a bath in which I put lavender and Himalayan salt. I spread floral oil on my body to sooth it, and bring it comfort, I then wrap myself in the softest clothes and/or blankets I have, and make a warm tea (depending on what I feel, I can go with different herbal mixes). I put my headphones on and cut myself from the outer world. The time has come to ground myself. I can meditate, or craft, write, draw, paint, do whatever I feel like, and what I feel drawn to listen. It’s not a time to attract anything. It a time to put some order within, and to anchor ourselves.
I can oversleep, getting the rest I need, and stay in bed while listening to the bird songs in the morning, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. I can go outside and spend some time on a blanket by the lake. I do whatever I feel like doing in order to relax, to harmonize myself within and out. It’s just a time out of time, when I can get back in touch with my soul, when I give my body what it needs to rejuvenate.
Then when I feel in peace again, I go back to my everyday routine, being in tune again with my true self. I also make sure I got some ‘capsules’ ready in case I need them. This are small things I can do in minutes or really short amount of time to relax. It can be a specific meditation, a breathing practice, a drawing project, a creative activity… I gather all I need (playlist, audio guidance, material) and put it in a specific box at home. When I need to relax but don’t have a lot of time to do so, I just go and pick something from the box and enjoy. The fact that I took care of my future self care is also really efficient to get into the activity and to relax.
So this week, take time to rest, and build yourself some self care capsules. If you want to, I can give you ideas and examples. But do it, because you deserve it.
The card
If I had a garden, this is what you would find in it hahaha. When I meditate to relax, this is the kind of thing I would visualize and interact with. I wanted it to feel as aerial as I could draw it, as nothing is heavy during our retreat. I wanted it to be open, as we release all the stress we have accumulated. I wanted it to be comfortable because.. well, it’s the whole point! And colorful because colors are life. I wanted it to be lit by several candles, for their soft light is what we need.. Dealing with multiple light sources wasn’t that easy, and I am pretty happy with what I did at this point of my digital painting journey. And yes, even if we rest and relax, we are still protected by Life’s magic… i hope you like it as much as I do!
This week, we will focus on letting go, on following the flow, on trusting the process.
Sometimes, we need to stop trying to figure things out. We just have to trust in the process, be aware of synchronicities and go with the flow.
When I feel stuck in an area of my life, I don’t get frustrated anymore, as I used to. I just let go and open my eyes and mind to little things that can show me the way I need to take to regain confidence, joy and serenity. I still go on what I am doing, but I am not linked to it emotionally anymore. I am focused on clues to get out of this feeling. And usually, it is unexpectedly really effective. See, I wasn’t feeling good in my job this year. I even thought about quitting. A lot of things made me feel frustrated, and dealing with it almost lead me to burn out. As I was really considering going another way, I received some new textbooks… As I do several times a year. But this time, I opened them. And they offered me all I was missing and gave me the solution to some of my frustration. So now, I am almost (I still have to finish this year, and pfew, this one is soooo long!) eager to start anew. I found back my motivation, my mind is imagining all I could do, with an enthusiasm I thought I lost. And as I was thinking about how I could do it, my director sent me the money I still have on my class account. I have enough to buy all the textbooks and notebooks I need. And I will still have more money to do other projects… So I thought about that, and I am all excited at the thought of what I will be able to do next year. 2 months ago, I was about to quit. Today I am really motivated to explore another way of doing my job, a way that makes more sense to me, and I am sure kids will feel it and that we will all spend a good year.
I also felt I was stuck in my way of drawing… and I had the opportunity to join this online course… I even had enough money to pay for the non free part, but I was still thinking about it, was it worth it? And one day, I decided to stop worrying about it, to start the free part and to see if I liked it or not, if it was what I needed… I let go of pressure, just enjoying the process, going with the flow. And my parents, who didn’t have a clue about what I was thinking, gave me enough money to cover half the price of the course. So no more thinking, I can peacefully dive into it!
For a long time, I shielded myself from people. I had enough to deal with already, I was grieving and trying to put my pieces together. Plus I was done trying to explain myself. I am the one I am. I am proud of the one I became. I don’t need to explain myself. I just need to be … me. It took me more time to let go of my defense walls. Because they really were thick, able to face anything. And one day I woke up with this deep feeling: I am done protecting others. Because in reality, I wasn’t protecting myself, I don’t need to, but I was protecting others feelings, perceptions, sensibility. Enough. I am myself, rising from my ashes once more, shining and stronger than I ever was. Accept it, or leave me be. I let go of those restrains I put on myself. I gained back my freedom. And I trusted the journey I was taking. I began to really noticed all these little things, I opened myself to whatever came. I followed the flow, with my mind and my arms wide open. I didn’t expect to find deep connection to people, but my steps lead me to kindred souls, and I really feel I am where I am supposed to be.
I also usually keep my wounds to myself, because they are deep and heavy, and I don’t want to put them on another plate. Few are those able to handle them. I still have to heal, and have been for years. But I decided to let go too, and to share some of them.. And it allowed people to better understand where I am coming from. And it felt good.
And the loneliness due to covid and the restrictions we have here, the different lock downs and the non so logical decisions we had to put in place were starting to take a toll on me. And instead of being oppressed about it, I just let it go. It didn’t depending on me. But what depended on me was the way I was living it. So I trusted in my path. i had to live it to realize that if I was good by myself I wasn’t against having someone close in my life. And I went on with my life, following the flow. Till I realized I had someone in my life already, as we spend all our evenings together for months now. It wasn’t what I was expecting, if I expected anything, but it is exactly what I needed at that time, exactly what I was missing. And I am happy about it. I don’t know how I would have dealt with the last months without that person in my life. Trust the process, you will find what you need. Expect the unexpected. And enjoy!
So this week, let go of the perceptions that stops you from going on your path, and choose to take the cross roads if you feel like it. Just trust that you will find whatever you need whenever you need it. Because you deserve it.
The card
I am not happy with this one, and if I post this that late today, it’s because I tried to fix it a bit. I will redo it soon, I think, as soon as I find the time to do so. I wanted to express that the path were are on is ours. We can choose to follow the steps, or to rest on the rocks, or even to go on the left, to jump on the top of the hill to see what is behind, or just stopping to lie on the grass, to look at plants… there are a lot of possibilities and they are all a part of our journey.
Have a good week. And if you feel something is wrong, just let it go, and be open to change. You will get exactly what you need, probably not what you thought or imagined. Enjoy!
This week, we will hold our ground. We will stand strong and proud, guarding and protecting what needs to be. And we will let the light go through us and release it for the world to enjoy.
The time has come for us to show the world our growth. There is still so much to discover, but we are strong and firmly grounded enough to start standing by ourselves, to rise. Sometimes, we don’t need to fight against adversity. Sometimes we just need to stand still, to raise our head and to face it calmly, grounded, silently. We don’t need to go anywhere. We own this place of ours. We own this life of ours. And nothing, no one is entitled to take it from us. Our core values and beliefs make us as strong as we need to be. And we are wise enough to avoid keeping any negativity within. On the contrary, we let it go through us, releasing what needs to be released in the ground and into the world, charged with a new positive, peaceful energy, our energy.
When everything seems to be chaotic, I just stop and step aside. Chaos is often an illusion brought by contradictory energies, thoughts and actions. Looking at them from a different perspective, from a peaceful standpoint allows me to decipher what is really going on. I can then see what I can act upon and what is not my responsibility. I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with the later, but I can do something with the former. And if I am still bothered, I try to find a way to change my point f view on things. But I don’t allow anything to take over my peace. Of course, I sometimes don’t have the time to step back and then my first move is to protect myself. I am really good at building thick walls and to defend them fiercely. But I always find a way to go to a a more peaceful open state of mind, as soon as possible.
The most important lesson I had to learn was to let go of what doesn’t belong to me to be acted upon. I considered for a long time that if it came on my way, I had to deal with it. And it was both exhausting and vain. I now realize that I just have to acknowledge its existence, and let it go its on way. We both are on each other ways. We just go different directions and if we notice each other presence, we don’t have to disrupt our journeys. Some persons or situations are not our responsibility. We are all on different journeys, following different rhythms and processes. Sometimes they are just here to remind us how far we already are on our path, sometimes they are here to make us realize how much we have still to learn. So we just need to thank them and go back on our journey.
Standing firmly and strongly doesn’t mean blocking the way. We are just filtering illusions and releasing clarity into the world. By refusing to participate to the circus around us, we can use our different perspective to change it into a more peaceful energy. We are the guardian of our space, and it belongs to us to bring our specific energy to it. Each of us are part of it. We all bring our own personality, our own passions, our own energy to it. We can choose what to share and what to conceal still. It only depends on us. And we can make this choice by standing still, filtering and releasing. We are strong enough to do so.
So this week, take a moment to hold your ground, and to stand still, and release what you choose to share with the world. Because you deserve it.
The card
I first went with a simple standing stone, as I really feel something special about them, about the amount of will and vision it took for them to be erected the way they were. It really expressed the idea of a really ancient vision of life, and the grounding roots we all have if we let them be. Then in my researches I saw hollowed stones and I fell in love. They added this idea of letting go, of transformation. These stones are allowing the light to go through them while keeping the warmth in their core. What a beautiful metaphor! I then decided to go with a more open space, to contrast with the vertical position of the stone. And of course, the setting sun seemed to be the perfect time to place the whole card into. Its warm light would enhance the magic of the alchemy we practice every day. I also love the idea of contrast between the raw material of the stone, humble and strong, and the light and sparks it lets go. I hope you love it as much as I do.
This week is all about independence, healthy relationships. We can have a strong bond with people but still be able to grow our own way.
I am not really sociable, let’s be honest. But I have very good friends, and no matter what life brings to our paths, we are connected to each others. Life can throw us int he middle of the strongest storm, and we may have to go through it by ourselves, but once we tamed it, and that we are getting out of it our lesson learned, stronger, wiser, we know who to share it with. We can go as deep as we want, no one will judge us. But they will enjoy the journey as we did, and they will bring their insight, always welcome, to ponder.
I am really independent. I need my personal space, I need my secret garden, my sacred space to grow and explore. But I can do it because I don’t feel alone at all. I have friends and my family. They all are aware of my way of being, and accept it, or learned to accept it. Because this is who I am. I always take time to share and learn from them, then I go back to my own growth, being myself. I also accept that they are following a really different path, and I enjoy seeing them being happy about their own path. There is no competition. We each respect the other, and take a real pleasure to exchange, to share our latest discoveries or enlightenment. But I also know from experience that if any of them start to judge me or try to convince me I should do things this or that way, I will raise boundaries pretty clearly and take some distance. Time will always bring us back together, but with a new respect for each other independent growth.
I really am grateful for the people I have in my life, they each are wonderful and I really love to have them in my life, as I hope they love to have me in theirs. But what makes these relationships both stronger and long lasting is the respect we have for each other’s space. I am always happy to spend time with them, but I also need my alone time. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love them anymore, I just love to have time when I can reflect, and learn, and live things I can share with them afterward. I am always there for them, they can call me whenever they need me, I’ll be there for them. In times of need, I know I can also count on them, they will be here, and give me the strength I need to face whatever requires their presence by my side.
We are part of each other’s life, but we are not each other’s life. We all have our own path to journey on, and no one can do it for us. But we can choose to be bonded to people who will give us the strength to face whatever comes, and with whom we can enjoy each step. As we will enjoy the way they live theirs. We will always take the time to get together and to share. But we will also need to journey by ourselves. The key is to find balance between the two.
So this week, find time for yourself, and share what you learned with your loved ones.
The card.
A friend of mine went for a walk and took a wonderful pic she posted online. And she agreed to have me use it as a reference for one of my cards. She also went back to trail and took more pics for me, and they sure inspired me. But these two trees just called me. The sun playing with the empty space between them, the strong tangled roots… everything. This is really the way I see my relationships. Strong intricate roots, anchoring them in the nutritive soil, giving them a strong base, and two trees launching themselves upward. They really inspired me, and I decided to give them this teal hue to add a bit of mystery. In the picture my friend took, there was this awesome effect of the sun light playing with the camera. I tries to reproduce it as much as I could. And of course, added sparks of magic ;). I hope you’ll like it too.
Even in the darkness of the cave, we are building each other by sharing the drops of wisdom we receive from the Universe. We first can use them to grow stronger, but then we need to release the part we don’t need anymore to allow others to grow in their turn. We are building connections, and contribute to the elevation of others while benefiting of the process too. There is no place here for spotlight, for ego. We are just sharing what made us a bit stronger, wiser. We also add to this drop our own essence, sparks of our own being. We are building connections.
In order to do so, we need to realize that if we feel in the dark, if we don’t see the immediate results of our actions, somewhere, someone is receiving what we let go of, and use it as a source of growth. We don’t need the same amount or nature of nutrient, as we don’t grow the same way. Some will inspire others, some will offer others a strong base from where they all can expand and contribute to the whole.
I feel strong connection with people who really helped me to grow. I also never miss an opportunity to let go of seeds I know can grow into beautiful plants. I truly believe that someone, somewhere, will receive them and allow them to become whatever they were meant to be, and that they will both benefit from it. If I am lucky, I will hear about it, or even witness it.
And there are these deep strong connections with people who make us stronger, who give us the confidence to be who we are, who support us and seem to benefit from it too. We are interconnected, and each of us contribute to the expansion of who we are. Each drop reinforce who we both are, and solidify the union we created with time.
We are also aware of the same phenomenon taking place with others around us. There is no competition, no jealousy, we all go at our own pace, trusting that we are contributing to the collective growth and expansion.
So this week, let go of drops of what helped build yourself lately, and trust in the process. You may not see an immediate result, but trust that someone, somewhere, need it to grow too. And that somehow, someday, you will find in them the strong base you need to expand even more.
The card
I had a lot of fun drawing these stalactites and stalagmites. I wanted a really neutral palette, because it’s not about showing off who we are that matters, but being a part of something bigger. We each have a role to play, and this idea of connection was quickly associated in my mind with these columns built with time, drop by drop. To me it was the perfect illustration of letting go to letting grow. Of course, between my vision and what I was actually able to do, there was a huge gap, but I’m pretty happy with what I did. When the time came to add my sparks of magic ( seriously, is there anything more magical than connection?), I couldn’t go with my usual cloud of sparks… it had to be something stronger, something that would express the light it brings in the darkness… I hope you like it as much as I do!
This week, as we are done recognizing, exploring and integrating our senses, we will dive in our feelings, our connection.
When I have the sensation to be overwhelmed by an emotion, not even being sure it is mine, I go to places where I can be in touch with Nature. Literally. If I can, I remove my shoes (of course, I keep them in winter), and I put my bare feet and hands on the ground. I then imagine that all this excess of emotion goes from my head, my heart, to my fingers and toes, then I release them in the ground. I stay there for a while, until I feel at peace again. Then I switch to a more receiving state of mind, where I really feel like I am a part of a whole, and that I can charge myself with the peaceful confidence nature gives me in exchange of the fiery and chaotic emotions I gave it.
Most of the time, I feel overwhelmed because I didn’t took the time to let go, or to step back from a situation. For a long time, I shielding against any strong emotion, to protect myself and because I had a cause to serve that was, to me, more important than my own little emotions. I couldn’t be hurt or triggered. i had to remain strong and stable no matter what. I knew I would have to come back to a more ‘humane’ state later, but at that time, I was the protector, the rock she needed. I only let myself feel for her, she needed to feel my love, my hopes, my determination, my devotion to our cause. I know it was a lost cause though, but she deserved to have my whole self. Me and her against the whole world. And others only got the warrior in me. Strong, analytic, protective. When she was gone, it was a matter of survival for me to keep my emotions and feelings at bay, most of them anyway.
Because when I feel, I really do. I learned to deal with my emotions and their strength, but they are part of me, and I wouldn’t change that. It allows me to be open to whatever comes in my way. I can perceive intentions, possibilities, have a broader, more complete view on things. I love the way I feel. Because I learned to tame it, to aim it, to use it as an asset, and not let it take over me. I learned to distinct between what I perceive and what I project. I learned to get rid of the later. And yes, it’s often frustrating to see that people mistake their perception with their projection, trying to make what they think someone should feel match with what they know about a situation.
I learned to recognize my own emotions, and why I feel them, what triggers them. I know myself enough to be able to own my own emotions. I also know and own my story, and I accept it as a life path. So when an emotion is overwhelming, I don’t proceed the same way if it’s mine, or if it’s only a projection. I understood that we are all different and that we all see something a different way. To make sure I am not projecting my own emotions on someone’s situation, I contextualize it. I put it in perspective in what I know of the person’s life, education, way of being. No judgment here, just an attempt to understand. I don’t try to think about how I would react if I lived what the person is living. This is projection. I try to step back and to see what the person is feeling, and help her to deal with it. Or just try not to get stuck into the situation myself, let’s be honest hahaha. I can listen to what they say they feel, I can try to help, but I also, most of the time, end up with some of their emotions too, stuck in my mind. It’s the way I am, it’s in my nature. I can absorb a certain amount of negativity, but then I need to deal with it, as it is not mine.
This is when I have to act. Because if I don’t, I will end up making it mine, as it’s there, within… I need to release it, in the most positive way possible. When I feel something is overwhelming, I just take some time to ask myself: is it mine? or is it a reaction to what I heard, perceived? Can I switch it into something positive? Can I let it go easily? Or is it something that is heavier and that I need to act upon? The easiest way to deal with it is to draw, write or play music. Usually, it’s enough to let go of the negativity. But sometimes, I need to go deeper in order to find my balance back. Meditation, and contact with nature are my way of doing it…
So this week, Try to connect with your emotions and distinct them from the ones you received from others. And find your way of letting them go in order to find your inner peace back. because you deserve it.
The card
What could I choose other than the heart of a forest to illustrate feeling? I wanted it to be warm and diverse, but also peaceful and yes, a bit magical. As our emotions are. I loved to play with light on this card, and went out of my comfort zone with drawing foliage leaf by leaf on some of the trees. I also had fun with texture on the tree trunk. I decided to get a bit more serious about my digital drawing skills, and I started to take lessons to go back to basics, and expand from there.. you will probably notice it in the next cards. I really love this one, but it seems that each of them becomes my new favorite, so… but I hope you can see the peace and magic I tried to express. And yes… sparkles….
Césame et ses états d'âme 
